I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
