mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
