I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
