It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
