I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
