batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the day after is always just damage control
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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