i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
