you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
