tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think my moral compass just broke
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