Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
