I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
