Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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