I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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