I'm drive I can fine osifer
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
pray to the hookup gods
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
