I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
