She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
