We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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