I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
