I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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