WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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