Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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