Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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