Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
