I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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