What a fucking waste of an outfit
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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