you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
