I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We had sex on a dog bed..
I could fuck to npr.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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