When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
