my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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