I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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