no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
