you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
