He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
