Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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