winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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