how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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