Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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