found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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