hell yes lets make some ravioli
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
