Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
