and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
