is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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