Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
