That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
