i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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