How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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