Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
