I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
