how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
