Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
