If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
