I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
