my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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