Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
